Relationship breakup

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A relationship breakup, often referred to simply as a breakup, is the termination of a usually intimate relationship by any means other than bereavement. The act is commonly termed a dump in slang when it is initiated by one partner. The term is less likely to be applied to a married couple, where a breakup is typically called a separation or divorce.

Contents

Rationale

Several psychological models have been proposed to explain the process of a relationship breakup. One theory, by L. Lee,[1] proposes that there are five stages leading ultimately up to a breakup.

  1. Dissatisfaction — one or both partners grow dissatisfied with the relationship.
  2. Exposure — both partners mutually become aware of the problems in the relationship.
  3. Negotiation — both partners attempt to negotiate a solution to problems.
  4. Resolution and transformation — both partners apply the yield of their negotiation.
  5. Termination — proposed resolution fails to rectify issues and no further solutions are accepted or applied.

In 1976, sociologist Diane Vaughan proposed an “uncoupling theory”, where, during the dynamics of relationship breakup, there exists a "turning point", only noted in hindsight, followed by a transition period in which one partner unconsciously knows the relationship is going to end, but holds on to it for an extended period, sometimes for a number of years.[2]

The Emotions of Grief After A Breakup

Grief counselor and breakup expert Susan J. Elliott [3] writes that the emotions of grief after a breakup are essentially the same as those as any grief process. Her research reflects that of Beverley Raphael [4] who likened the process of grief as "phases" rather than "stages." Elliott, who has researched grief extensively, writes that the phases of breakup grief are "Shock and Disbelief", "Review and Painful Relinquishment", and "Reorganization, Integration, and Acceptance". Any of these three phases may be skipped, repeated, or rearranged, depending on one's situation and personality.

Statistics

According to John Fetto,[5] a survey conducted by eNation found that nearly one-third of Americans have experienced a breakup in the past ten years. He also found that the younger the person, the more likely they are to have experienced more than one breakup in the last decade. It is believed that this is because young people are more actively dating than older generations, though this may be changing with the growing divorce rate, and thus adults are breaking up more frequently as well. This makes breakups one of the more common emotional experiences in modern society.

Healing from heartache, depending on the emotional attachment, can be a long process with multiple stages, of which may include: sanctioning adequate time to recover, improving intrapersonal relationships and, ultimately, finding the motivation necessary to dismiss the breakup itself. Often times breakups allow us to pursue personal goals without the drain of an unemotional spouse to hold us back.

Laurie Helgoe,[6] believes that, “By releasing the past, you can approach new relationships with a fresh perspective and clearer vision”. Releasing the relationship and person physically from one’s life will help to keep both from constantly resurfacing in everyday life. Releasing the relationship and person from the mind and daily thoughts allocates more space to think about other important things including future relationships.

See also

References

  1. ^ Lee, L. (1984). "Sequences in Separation: A Framework for Investigating Endings of the Personal (Romantic) Relationship". Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 1 (1): 49–73. doi:10.1177/0265407584011004. http://spr.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/1/1/49. 
  2. ^ Vaughan, Diane (1986). Uncoupling - Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-679-73002-8. 
  3. ^ Elliott, Susan J. (2009). Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You. Da Capo Lifelong Books. http://www.GettingPastYourBreakup.com. 
  4. ^ Raphael, Beverley (1983). The Anatomy of Bereavement. Basic Books. 
  5. ^ Fetto, John (2003) - Love Stinks: Statistics on Failed Relationships. BNet: Business Network Retrieved January 25, 2008
  6. ^ Helgoe, Laurie A. (2006). The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Breaking Up. New York, NY: Penguin Group. ISBN 978-1592575701.

Further reading