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CompersionFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Compersion is said to be a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion. The concept is now widespread within the polyamorous community, and was originally coined by the now defunct Kerista Commune in San Francisco.[1][2][3] It is common for people within the polyamorous community to state that jealousy comes with the territory of open romantic relationships.[4] Compersion has often been referred to as "the opposite of jealousy"[2][5] and some advocates state that through time and experience, it becomes an efficient method for combating jealousy.
Polyamorous views on jealousy and compersionIn romantic relationships, jealousy refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and/or anxiety over an anticipated loss of a partner or of that partner's attention, affection, or time. Because polyamorous relationships often exist within cultural frameworks of monogamy, where jealousy is understood as a natural reaction to perceived competition for a partner's attention, affection, or time, treatments of jealousy in polyamorous literature are quite extensive. In her book Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits, Dr Deborah M. Anapol describes five different types of jealousy - possessive, exclusion, competition, ego, and fear - before discussing compersion.[2] The books The Ethical Slut and Opening Up also devote entire chapters to discussions of jealousy. Investigative reporter and sex educator Eric Francis wrote on his Planet Waves website that an individual could look for their own compersion within jealousy itself: "Right inside the jealous episode is a fiery core of erotic passion. It may surprise you how good it feels, and if you get there, you can be sure you're stepping right into compersion." Formal definitions
Related termsThe adjective frubbly and the noun frubbles are sometimes used, in the poly community in the United Kingdom and the United States, to describe the feeling of compersion.[7] These terms are more suited to cheerful, light-hearted conversation, and they are more grammatically versatile, for example: "I'm feeling all frubbly" and "Their relationship fills me with frubbles". Compersion in the newsIn late 2007, The New York Times reported on former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's acceptance of her husband's romance with another woman.[8] The article opens, "So this, in the end, is what love is. Former Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's husband, suffering from Alzheimer's disease, has a romance with another woman, and the former justice is thrilled -- even visits with the new couple while they hold hands on the porch swing -- because it is a relief to see her husband of 55 years so content." The remainder of the article discusses Justice O'Connor's reaction as an example of mature, "more complex" love and contrasts this with popular conceptions of "young" love. See also
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